Queer Places:
Yale University (Ivy League), 38 Hillhouse Ave, New Haven, CT 06520
Yantic Cemetery, 68 Lafayette Street, Norwich, Connecticut 06360 United States
Asher Henry Wilcox (November 16, 1837 - February 25, 1915) was an American educator and Yale College graduate (Class of 1859). During his time at Yale, Wilcox was an active student
leader, serving as Chairman of the Board of Editors for the Yale Literary Magazine (the oldest surviving literary monthly in the United States). Following his graduation, he
pursued a career as a dedicated teacher, scholar, and administrator across New England.
Born on November 16, 1837, in Norwich, Connecticut, Asher was the son of William Bissell Wilcox (1807–1890) and Mary Kenyon Wilcox (1809–1896). He grew up in New London County, where his family was established. Wilcox pursued his higher education at Yale College, graduating in the late 1850s, where he was known as an accomplished scholar. He continued his theological training at the Yale Theological Seminary (1859–1860) and subsequently studied abroad in Europe—including visits to Berlin and Strasbourg—as well as at the Andover Theological Seminary.
Asher Wilcox features prominently in modern histories of same-sex intimacy and male romantic friendships in 19th-century America, most notably in Matthew Busick’s scholar work, "Becoming a Yale Man: Intimacy among Yale Students in the Nineteenth Century" (2007), as well as historical analyses by Yale historian George Chauncey.
During the mid-19th century, before modern categories of "heterosexual" and "homosexual" were established, intense romantic friendships between young men were a standard and socially accepted part of campus life. In 1858, Wilcox regularly shared a bed with his close friend and classmate, Edward Chase Sheffield. In the cultural context of the era, bed-sharing among male peers was viewed as a primary sign of deep emotional bond, mutual trust, and shared vulnerability rather than explicit deviance.
Sheffield kept detailed diaries from January to September 1858 recording their day-to-day interactions. In one notable diary entry, Sheffield recorded the profound impact of Wilcox’s religious conversion. During a campus revival meeting, Wilcox stood up and decisively announced his decision to embrace Christianity. Deeply moved, Sheffield wrote in his diary: "What had I done that this great joy should come to me!"
Following this event, the two men held shared prayers before retiring to bed, deepening both Sheffield's religious resolve and their personal intimacy.
Historians study the bond between Wilcox and Sheffield as an exemplar of the "same-sex intimacy" of 19th-century all-male institutions. While these intense relationships served as crucial emotional anchors for young men navigating college life, modern LGBTQ+ historians analyze them to understand the evolving spectrum of male-male romance, physical closeness, and queer history before 20th-century sexual identity categories existed.
Upon completing his theological studies, Wilcox was ordained as a Congregational minister. Throughout his career in New England, he served in pastoral and educational roles, maintaining close ties to his home state of Connecticut and the broader academic community. In 1865, Asher married Harriette Thomas Parker (1844–1935). Together, they had two children: Elizabeth Kenyon "Bessie" Wilcox Haley (1868–1961) and Arthur Bissell Wilcox (1875–1915). Tragically, both Rev. Asher Wilcox and his son, Arthur, passed away in the same year, 1915.
Following his undergraduate studies, Wilcox served as a tutor at Yale (1863–1864) and pursued theological studies to become an ordained Congregational minister. Over his career in New England, he served as pastor for several historic pulpits: Preston, Connecticut (1865–1872), Westerly, Rhode Island (1872–1876), Plainfield / Central Village, Connecticut (beginning in 1876). He later returned to his hometown of Norwich, Connecticut, where he spent his remaining years until his death.
Rev. Asher Henry Wilcox died on February 25, 1915, at the age of 77 in his hometown of Norwich, Connecticut.
References:
 Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890-1940 Paperback – Illustrated, April 9, 2019 by George Chauncey |
Other references:
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